New Delhi/Mumbai

At a recent state Capital Conference held in Jaipur, all the 27 respective cities came with Chandigarh proudly representing two states. The event went quite well until New Delhi walked up to arch –rival Mumbai to have a chat .The exchange was cold and hostile.

Mumbai stingingly stated as New Delhi came approaching…

Mumbai: oh, happy day, it’s you again

New Delhi: always nice to see you

Mumbai: love your sarcasm

New Delhi: how’s the metro coming up?

Mumbai: Don’t gloat you son of a politician

New Delhi: I was just asking

Mumbai: What do you want?

New Delhi: Nothing, heard about your transportation woes

Mumbai: That’s because I am vertical. Think about yourself..you can’t manage even your concentric circles and ring roads.

New Delhi: hah! Roads? I have an F1 Grand Prix coming up, in winters

Mumbai: Yeah I heard you had the Commonwealth games also

New Delhi: Zip it. All went off quite well in the end

Mumbai: At what price? Those crores were from Mumbai, I pay the taxes

New Delhi: Yeah your sensex and your taxes..as if we don’t pay them.

Mumbai: You do? How thoughtful of you. But you hoard ten times as much

New Delhi: Look Bombay you are hitting below the belt

Mumbai: Why are you still here? Don’t you have any fancy fat wedding to attend in GK II?

New Delhi: At least the weddings are flashy and we hire Bollywood dancers from you..

Mumbai: How does it matter to me, you electricity thieves

New Delhi: You slumdog, we gave you Shah Rukh Khan

Mumbai: Ask him if he wants to come back…he would never leave the sea

New Delhi: Keep the filthy sea, I have the better climate

Mumbai: ahh..delusions of a land locked man

New Delhi: You have some strange illusions about yourself too

Mumbai: Have you made a list?

New Delhi: I didn’t bother to. I am busy being the capital ..of fashion, of culture, of..

Mumbai: ... .of red tape, of bureaucracy of

New Delhi: You have a paperless government over there? Can’t even handle immigration

Mumbai: We don’t legalise illegal colonies like you

New Delhi: Of course not, you can’t legalise shanties,can you. Hate the crowd you have

Mumbai: I am the LA and NY of India

New Delhi: And your sub-urbs are Sydney, London and Amsterdam, isn’t it vadapav

Mumbai: Shut up tunde kebab

New Delhi: That’s from Lucknow.

Mumbai: I know, all your stuff is borrowed in any case

New Delhi: You don’t speak of cuisine stuffing everything inside a pav- usal, missal, bhurji, kanda, mirchi, bhaji..etc etc

Mumbai: The food here is as great as you can have. A restaurant opens in Bandra-Juhu area everyday.

New Delhi: That’s because two shut down every other day also.

Mumbai: I am having nothing of this food and pav nonsense with you. I carry the whole deficit ridden state with me; you don’t even acknowledge those east Delhi shanties.

The ruckus ensues as the host and Bangalore ask them to take it someplace else..

Jaipur : Guys you are making a scene out here.

Mumbai: With all due respect, you stay out of this Jaipur.

Bangalore: People calm heads please..

New Delhi: Fine you, go write a program for that.

The PA system announces that its time for the conference photo-op after which lunch will follow. The cities move forth to take their places in front of the shutterbugs. Mumbai gets a cocktail in his hand.

End of part 1...