New Delhi/Mumbai

At a recent state Capital Conference held in Jaipur, all the 27 respective cities came with Chandigarh proudly representing two states. The event went quite well until New Delhi walked up to arch –rival Mumbai to have a chat .The exchange was cold and hostile.

Mumbai stingingly stated as New Delhi came approaching…

Mumbai: oh, happy day, it’s you again

New Delhi: always nice to see you

Mumbai: love your sarcasm

New Delhi: how’s the metro coming up?

Mumbai: Don’t gloat you son of a politician

New Delhi: I was just asking

Mumbai: What do you want?

New Delhi: Nothing, heard about your transportation woes

Mumbai: That’s because I am vertical. Think about yourself..you can’t manage even your concentric circles and ring roads.

New Delhi: hah! Roads? I have an F1 Grand Prix coming up, in winters

Mumbai: Yeah I heard you had the Commonwealth games also

New Delhi: Zip it. All went off quite well in the end

Mumbai: At what price? Those crores were from Mumbai, I pay the taxes

New Delhi: Yeah your sensex and your taxes..as if we don’t pay them.

Mumbai: You do? How thoughtful of you. But you hoard ten times as much

New Delhi: Look Bombay you are hitting below the belt

Mumbai: Why are you still here? Don’t you have any fancy fat wedding to attend in GK II?

New Delhi: At least the weddings are flashy and we hire Bollywood dancers from you..

Mumbai: How does it matter to me, you electricity thieves

New Delhi: You slumdog, we gave you Shah Rukh Khan

Mumbai: Ask him if he wants to come back…he would never leave the sea

New Delhi: Keep the filthy sea, I have the better climate

Mumbai: ahh..delusions of a land locked man

New Delhi: You have some strange illusions about yourself too

Mumbai: Have you made a list?

New Delhi: I didn’t bother to. I am busy being the capital ..of fashion, of culture, of..

Mumbai: ... .of red tape, of bureaucracy of

New Delhi: You have a paperless government over there? Can’t even handle immigration

Mumbai: We don’t legalise illegal colonies like you

New Delhi: Of course not, you can’t legalise shanties,can you. Hate the crowd you have

Mumbai: I am the LA and NY of India

New Delhi: And your sub-urbs are Sydney, London and Amsterdam, isn’t it vadapav

Mumbai: Shut up tunde kebab

New Delhi: That’s from Lucknow.

Mumbai: I know, all your stuff is borrowed in any case

New Delhi: You don’t speak of cuisine stuffing everything inside a pav- usal, missal, bhurji, kanda, mirchi, bhaji..etc etc

Mumbai: The food here is as great as you can have. A restaurant opens in Bandra-Juhu area everyday.

New Delhi: That’s because two shut down every other day also.

Mumbai: I am having nothing of this food and pav nonsense with you. I carry the whole deficit ridden state with me; you don’t even acknowledge those east Delhi shanties.

The ruckus ensues as the host and Bangalore ask them to take it someplace else..

Jaipur : Guys you are making a scene out here.

Mumbai: With all due respect, you stay out of this Jaipur.

Bangalore: People calm heads please..

New Delhi: Fine you, go write a program for that.

The PA system announces that its time for the conference photo-op after which lunch will follow. The cities move forth to take their places in front of the shutterbugs. Mumbai gets a cocktail in his hand.

End of part 1...

We don't need you, just quit

There are people who wreck a brand called India ,people who India can do without.One such person is

Suresh Kalmadi…that beardface jackal should not be allowed to run Pune municipality elections let alone anything as huge and logistically and managerially challenging as the Commonwealth Games. He should be shunted to a non existential oblivion but you see Congress just doesn’t have the balls to do so. Instead he is screwing up the CWG which is expected to showcase Indian pride. In fact the CWG has brought disrepute and disgrace to the nation.Worldwide reports snide at the rampant corruption,inefficiency and ineptitude.

You win any sporting event hosting rights bid seven years in advance.New Delhi won this bid in 2003,so don’t you dare say that you didn’t have time. That time was spent in messing up the other Sport federations and the Indian Olympic Association which you think is your dad’s inheritance to you.

Whenever a scam is blowing up in his face, he claims that he is not responsible, then what does being in-charge of the Organising committee mean, Suresh? Why don’t you just for once man up and accept that your prick is not as big as you claim it to be? You don’t have the ability but thought that all will be somehow well and in typical Delhi language ‘jugaad laga denge’. Who will question us ?

The public? They are too busy handling the inflation. Speaking of which we have another man who shows no conscience and moral responsibility. Our extremely honourable,multi talented, Mr. I want my finger in every pie,agriculture minister and ICC chief – Sharad Pawar.

Isn’t feeding 1.2 billion responsibility enough that you want to be ICC chief too.The only reason is hubris and supposed self pride in being the ICC head and present the trophy to the winners in Mumbai next March,isn’t it?

Remember how he was shunted off the stage by the Aussies in 06’ in Mumbai? Yeah well, he deserved that and much worse.Wow wasn't that embarrassing? Absolutely loved his humiliation.

What kind of agriculture minister says ‘we are expecting a food shortage’ and encourage rampant black marketing and grain hogging ? not once but thrice he has done that .On top of that he says he is not an astrologer and can’t say when the prices will come down..yeah real mature statement Mr.Pawar.

Oh what did you say?

You want to be relived of your responsibilities and lighten your workload.Okay ,why don’t you just quit and stay back at Baramati? India will be better off without you.But you two will continue shamelessly, after all power without responsibility is such a great thing ,isn't it?