Port Blair

Port Blair - Jolly Buoy Island

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Unlikely news this year

Unlikely news of 2012 is the follow up to the similar post that i wrote last year. You can find it here. This year,it is a continuation of the same theme.The news stories and events that are most unlikely to take place in India in 2012. Unlikely news this year - India Edition.

1. Economy growing at 8%
2. Bangalore becomes less congested
3. India becomes a fully electrified nation
4. India bags a permanent UN Security Council seat
5. Cross country flights becoming cheaper than ever
6. Indian cricket team winning an overseas test series
7. Nokia becomes the market leader in smartphones
8. India wins more medals than Jamaica at the London Olympics
9. Rahul Gandhi not putting his foot in mouth; when he is not busy shooting it
10. A bald guy who is not Ramesh Srivats has the funniest twitter stream
11. Sunny Leone not being featured in Google Zeitgiest India results
12. The media not going bonkers for Saif Ali Khan – Kareena Kapoor wedding details
13. Calling to UK and US becomes cheaper than it is to call from UK and US
14. CBI becomes a fully automonous body (giggle, chukle, rofl.. I know I know)
15. Narendra Modi losing Assembly elections in Gujarat
16. Book store chains do better business than Flipkart*
17. Diesel prices are completely deregulated
18. Taarak Mehta ka ooltah chasmah goes off air.
19. UP is trifurcated and Hyderabad becomes the 8^th Union Territory.
20. Ajmal Kasab is refused his Friday Biryani until further notice.
21. Sharad Pawar gets slapped.Again.In Public.
22. BSNL/MTNL not requesting for government bailouts
23. The word ‘Chep’ enters the Oxford dictionary.
24. NID comes out with better designed Rs.1,2,5 and 10 coins.
25. The centre caring a damn about Manipur once the elections are done.
26. An independent film grosses 50 crores ( I do wish this happens)
27. Manmohan Singh stepping down as PM due to frustration.
28. Leander Paes inks a million dollar sponsorship deal.
29. No cases of Indian students being roughed up in US,UK, Canada, Australia etc.
30. Mid-term general elections.

Feel free to add more in the comments section, i will surely include them.

Gujju Bond

There was a very interesting trending topic on Twitter sometime in September last year called #Gujju Bond. The tweets were witty takes on what it would it be like to have a Gujarati secret agent on the lines of James Bond. In the first week of January 2012 , #Being Gujju also trended.

Here’s the list of some of the most popular ones related to Gujju Bond and others that i have added especially for this post.

Gujju Bond's favourite weapon is dandiya sticks.

Gujju Bond got his license to kill because he has some Kontakts in RTO

Gujju Bond will have his number as 700. 700 is greater than 007. Business sense.

Gujju Bond 's favourite car is Tata Nano!

Gujju Bond often retorts ame bau Kool che! ok?!

Gujju Bond's favourite drink is sherdi no ras!

Gujju Bond sings sanedo while driving.

Gujju Bond’s nephews play with khakra as frisbees... & khaman is their spongebob...

Gujju Bond - Reliance ni kasam..maari nakhis, todi nakhis...bukko kari nakis....

Gujju Bond does not go on a mission between 9.30 am -3.30 pm, Mon-Fri.. - BSE trade timings.

Gujju Bond is subject to market risks. Pleasereadtheofferdocumentcarefullybeforeinvesting.

Gujju Bond wears Only Vimal.

Gujju Bond likes doodh cold dreenk.

Gujju Bond dunks his dhoklas in Wagh Bakri tea.

Gujju Bond religiously attends the yearly Reliance AGM; in disguise.

Gujju Bond drinks chhanch (buttermilk) instead of Martini , shaken not stirred.

Gujju Bond studies Rajnikanth movies for coolness tips.

Gujju Bond has this wallpaper on his mobile.

Gujju Bond watches Taarak Mehta Ka Ooltah Chashmah as in-flight entertainment*

Gujju Bond when in mood is a humorous guy. He has plenty of jocks*

Gujju Bond likes to slip off the radar and vacations in Mount Abu*

Gujju Bond stars in the upcoming flick Diamonds are from Surat *

Gujju Bond can make Barbara Broccoli wait*

Gujju Bond has Devang Patel's Gambler song on his i-pod*

Gujju Bond doesn't play cricket, he plays bat ball*

Gujju Bond's talent was spotted by Ba, when aged 8*

Gujju Bond has a season pass at the Wembley Stadium*

Gujju Bond can snip your kite from Baroda by flying his from Surat*

Gujju Bond is at ease- both at Patang Hotel and Burj Khalifa, but he prefers Patang*

Gujju Bond has secret holiday homes in Nairobi, Leicester and Melbourne*

Gujju Bond in his childhood used to hangout in Municipal Market on CG Road*

Gujju Bond is so cool, he beds chics anytime he wants and not just during Navratri*

Gujju Bond can beat Sebestian Vettel in an F1 race starting from the back of the grid with a Nano!

The name is Bond. Jignesh Bond.

# Disclaimer

People who have written the original tweets can recognise theirs and claim credit (I was lazy to have not written down your names) . The lines with asterisk* are my GujjuBond lines. This post is not meant to offend anybody and should be taken in a sporting manner. People from Gujarat can take a joke on themselves, so i think i am in the clear.

January Blues

Ah bleurgh..the blues that you get when the holiday season is over. It mostly starts on January 2 and lasts until the February 1, sometimes until Valentines’ Day. It is an unpleasant time because the holiday season is over, spring is far off and you sulk in cold weather with minimal inspiration to get out of the bed early and begin the day.

January is a cold month – for those of us living in the northern hemisphere at least, while Argentina, South Africa and Australia enjoy warm climate. January has all the bite and chill of the winter but the warmth of the festivals is gone. It is an anti-climax month and has very depressing properties. All are trudging their lives back to the routine and often suffer from post holiday blues. January that ways has an eerie similarity to Monday. Monday has to come after the much prized weekends. Also, you can’t take a trip too, on the account of

1)that’s done in holidays , 2) you just don’t have the money and 3) you got to get to work.

Most people suffer from inertia and laze to get things rolling back as before the festivities. It is also the time when most people are well on the way to breaking many of their New Year resolutions and that doesn’t make one feel good about yourself.Nonetheless, one should definitely look forward to most events, television shows, sports schedules, game seasons that start or re-start in January.

A shot of endorphin is a must to feel happy, so try and do things that should give you happiness .

• Bonfire.
• Go out. Simple. As much as you can.
• Attend those weddings that are a norm in India in winters.
• Have you tried ice-cream lately? Yes, in winters they taste excellent as well.
• Surf stumbleupon.com for 6 hours straight. You will learn and be entertained.
• Watch the movies that you could not during holidays; be ready for the Oscar season.
• If you are rich enough, the Dubai Shopping festival is on between Jan 5- February 5.

This would be a great time to be travel show host ! Sigh, if only ! January Blues. But you can beat the blues and not end up saying bleurgh.

Sydney - The Michael Clarke Test

The 2012 New Year’s Test at Sydney Cricket Ground was special for the hallowed ground. It was hosting its 100^th Test. The SCG as always provided great cricketing action. This is however quite simply, The Michael Clarke Test. He started off by predicting that Ricky Ponting will come good and he was right. If only he could say what he was about to do !

Ricky Ponting came into the series with his career hanging on the slightest of threads. The owner of the most beautiful pull shot in the game had not reached 3 figures since his 209 in Hobart in January 2010. He was struggling, but then he was prepared for a scrape and fight out in the middle and then he found his game at Sydney. His 134 may have been only the third highest score behind Michael Clarke’s 329* and Michael Hussey's 150* , but it gave the most emotional moment of the test. He knew he had misjudged the single and was a direct hit away from being stranded at 99. The way he scampered to reach from 99 to 100 and diving full stretch showed his desire to breach the mark. His helmet was askew, his jersey muddied and he had dirt in his mouth. But the ball hadn’t clattered the stumps. Assured that he had made the single, Ricky got up and removed his helmet to acknowledge the crowd. He didn’t curse, shout or point fingers at the press box. The smile plastered on his face was that of relieved happiness of realising the flaming talent in himself. This was unlike any of his 39 hundreds overall or 5 previous ones at SCG in an emotional sense. This was a different Ricky Ponting.

And it was wonderful to watch him get that hundred.

And local boy and Aussie skipper Michael ‘Pup’Clarke couldn’t have chosen a better script for himself. Hammering the first triple century at SCG in the 100^th Test being played here while leading his team to an innings victory. At this point does he even care that he played without a bat contract? Heck no. For he, taught quite a few lessons to India on how to play the game. He was cheeky and unselfish in his declaration of the Australian innings. The Indians had all but resigned to the fact that a 400 was about to be scored against them. But at the drinks in the second session of Day 3 , Clarke and Hussey walked past the drinks trolley and kept on walking .There was the declaration. He had caught the opposition off-guard !

But where Michael Clarke really gained respect from cricket fraternity was when he declared when he had Brian Lara’s 400 within reach. Yet, he declared as Hussey had reached 150. Why ? Well he thought he had enough of a lead and wanted to give his bowlers enough chance to bowl out India the second time. That India folded over in 3 ½ session is another matter , with Clarke notably scalping Sachin on 80. But he saw ahead in the match, anticipated better and then you can’t complain if luck favours such a captain, can you?

Remember, you can never discount a sudden spell of showers in Sydney. It clearly reflected his priorities- to win the match and not personal achievements and erasing landmarks. Very few people would do that, especially sub-continental players. The sub-continent is obsessed with numbers, who won’t let Sachin Tendulkar bat in peace by building the hype around a made-up term called ‘international centuries’.

It’s not a great time to criticise a team when it is in shambles. But this is a clear opportunity to set things in motions about the future. The team shows some resistance and stomach for a battle but its will is punctured against sustained aggression and skill. Gradually the problems have compounded. As Harsha Bhogle points out, it is unpardonable for this generation of players to be unathletic. VVS Laxman won’t ever run a three and bowlers have weak throwing arms. Players are not agile and don't dive. Do they worry that they will be forced to do the dirty laundry themselves? For India, this is a big problem as they have just one athletic guy in Virat Kohli in the team, and he prefers to show the finger to the crowd.

India has got a decent pace battery, but this decline in Tests was always coming. It is harking back to the times in the 90s when on overseas tours, India followed one collapse by another batting debacle soon after. The other teams have learned to play in India and its dustbowls and it won’t be long before India stops dominating at home and continues capitulating abroad. It would be worse than lions at home, lambs abroad. They would be hyenas at home, winning against the weakest while settling for scraps against better teams. Tests are won by teams that have a will to guts it out, not by teams whose spine is missing half a dozen vertebrae.

India and cricketing finance are directly related, but it seems only Australia and England care about the Tests. And once Rahul Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar leave, its assured that cricket following will take a massive hit. Its futile to talk about rebuilding this team, because that process should have started 4 years ago. They haven’t even found a replacement for Sourav Ganguly! Teams lose a lot when built up from scratch, however that would be part of a long term plan to have the best Test side and there is no shame in that .The pity is in maintaining status quo and being the ostrich , even when you lose 6 overseas test in a row and that too by thumping margins.

For a start, fire Duncan Fletcher and hire Stephen Fleming as soon as possible.